Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize