just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
