I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
