So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
