There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
