Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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