Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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