he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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