You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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