Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
