It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can I color on your dick again?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
