I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
