And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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