If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
only you would photoshop your dick
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
