The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
