I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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