I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize