I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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