She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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