four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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