and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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