you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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