oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
