I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
