And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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