i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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