I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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