he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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