I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
