i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
