i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
