Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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