How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
