I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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