Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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