we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
