I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Randomize
