it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
