Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
