the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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