I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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