Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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