She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
