I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
