never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
