Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
