I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize