the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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