Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
