I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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