I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
