Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
