So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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