He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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