You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
