When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
do herpes really smell.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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