The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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