guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Everything about him screamed your future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
