If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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