Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
