What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We are all done wearing pants today
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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