he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That's how pantless uber rides happen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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